Unintentional Housewife

Our scene: a typical Belgian brasserie–lovely stained glass, art deco interiors, chalkboard announcing the day’s specials, a hungry lunch crowd. Please note that the following scene takes place entirely en français. English translation has been provided.

Our actors: Mindi, her fabulous friend and a waitress.

Aaaaaaand, Action!

Waitress:  ”Tell me.”   (translation: Hi, may I take your order, please?)

Mindi: “What is the soup?”  (translation: The chalkboard just says ’soup’, so I’d like to know what the soup choice is so I can decide if I’d like to have it.)

Waitress: ” I don’t know.”  (translation: It doesn’t say what the soup is on the chalkboard, so how am I supposed to know?)

Mindi: pauses, contemplating what to say next in hopes of actually finding out what the soup is.

Waitress: sighing, “Do you really want me to go find out? Yesterday it was onion, I think, but I don’t know about today, do you really want me to ask?” (translation: if you make me walk in that kitchen and ask I’m so going to spit in your soup.)

Mindi: “Yes, please.” (translation: you’re going to spit in my soup, aren’t you.)

Waitress walks 5 steps to kitchen and returns.

Waitress: “It’s onion.” (translation: you better order the damn soup since you made me walk in there and ask.)

Mindi: “Thanks.” (translation: no way in hell I’m ordering the soup now.)

Mindi: “May I have a glass of water?” (translation: I know it’s terribly gauche to ask for tap water in Belgium since restaurants like to make you pay 3 euro for a tiny bottle of water, but I really don’t want to pay for it. It’s water.)

Waitress: looking annoyed, “From the tap?” (translation: you’ve got to be f-ing kidding me.)

Mindi: “Yes, if possible?” (translation: if we were in Paris, they’d give me tap water. Brussels Is Not Paris!)

Waitress: “We’re not supposed to but…fine.” (translation: where does this lady think she is–Paris?)

Mindi: “Thanks. I’d also like a Diet Coke, please.” (translation: not only do I want a drink with my meal–a totally foreign concept in Belgium–along with customer service–but I want 2 drinks! Holy Mary Mother of Pearl!)

Waitress: looking seriously confused, “But, I thought you wanted water?” (translation: not only does this crazy lady want a drink with her meal–who does that?–but she wants 2?!?!)

Mindi: “I would like both, please.” (translation: I just totally blew your mind, waitress, didn’t I.)

Waitress: looking shellshocked, “Ok.” (translation: my mind. it is blown.)

And, Scene.

In: Belgium | | #